Madman Diary

Wandering under the lamp post,

Walking by the track,

Alone, the mad man "lepaking" again… during the midnight in the middle of nowhere…

Embraces by the cold wind,

accompanied of a shadow,

Mad man’s heart was warmth by the whispering of the silence, and from the light from the lamp post (if there is any heat).

Humming within self,

Tapping on the ground,

The mad man wonders will his shadow can be humored by his act.

Then the mad man notice there is something in the air,

A couple walking passed him,

Embrace and accompany each other,

Every sign means everything among them,

The silliest act as their sweetest move,

Their whispering making them invisible from almost everything…including from the staring of the mad man.

The train break through the silence and the couple is gone,

The mad man gaze at the few star that rarely appear in this polluted city,

Asking the same question as every other loner always asked,

so that one day they wouldn’t need to clown for their own shadow.

Confused with the silence, Mad of being ignored,

Tightening his fist, the rage rushing through every inch of his body, mind, and soul… The mad man demand an answer.

The stars remain still and silence, continue to shine with its dim light as it has always as million years ago.

The eternity of the stars finally calm the mind of the mad man,

He is not alone after all,

Someone did and still loving him as always, as the stars patiently shine its light upon the earth.

So…

The mad man continue his journey,

Wandering under the lamp post,

Walking by the track,

Embrace by the cold wind,

accompanied of a shadow…

This is an artwork from another madman, a famous artist who known as Vincent Van Gogh.

All his life he is trying to chasing after his dream, trying to become somebody. He had been worked unsuccessfully as a clerk, as an art salesman, and even as a preacher whereby he was kicked out by his church due to his overzealous act such as giving his own and only cloth to the poor during winter.

Finally he become a painter, a successful one many will assume he will be, but for his entire life he sold only one painting to his own brother…

And one day, he cut his ear, send it to his friend through mail, and to end his tragic life, he shot himself…

Christmas is not about Santa Claus or gift… it is about love. it is about a birth of a boy, that to be crucified on the cross to redeem us from our sin…Because God love us.

Christian or not, the proper way to celebrate this day is not by partying, but to understand the origin of it, and to love one another.

As I have been like Vincent Van Gogh, a madman whom losing hope and being ignore by all I considered dear, but I was saved…thanks to a brother kindness, it is through him, I witnessed the love of God.

The gift that we need to be ever prepare…is to bring love to the others…so that there wouldn’t be too many unfortunate one like Vincent Van Gogh, if there is anyone had shown him such love, his life will be bright and sparkle just like one of his painting, the flaming flowers that brightly blaze.

Below is the song sung by Don McLean dedicated to Vincent Van Gogh:

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as
beautiful as you

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget
Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they’re not listening still
Perhaps they never will

Once a caveman within the cave,

Chained and prisoned with the other inmates,

Legs, hands, and eyes are only facing one direction,

The opposite side of the source of light.

People chanting without really speaking,

People hearing without really listening,

They talk, they laugh, and they share their sorrow with their shadows,

Without realizing the real person beside them.

Just as the mystery of how life is create,

One’s chain broken miraculously,

Freedom allows him to explore,

Curiosity leads him to the source of light.

The night animal couldn’t stand the bright,

His mind doing the opposite,

The light become brighter, the pains become stronger;

The ground become higher, the truth becomes closer.

Behold such an enormous sight!

Acres of greens, and the miles of blues!

Some invisible force brush through his hair and cloth,

Some transparent energy warms him and makes him smile!

So…this is the truth of this world!

Joyously he went back to share the news,

But return with anything but sigh.

The truth been regards as a joke,

The free mind been treated as a mad one.

Days of struggles clouding his mind,

To embrace the truth alone?

Or to return to the old comforting way as other prisoners?

He tries to think but can’t decide of any.

A beam of light touches his forehead,

A touch of hope lighten his burden,

The answer to his question has been found,

Through the concealed yet revealing signs.

Madman or not, if that is what they calling him.

He will not embrace the truth alone,

But return to the cave with the light within his heart,

So that they will know…

(Some madmen that are continue to roam the world are singing John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ hoping that those people who called them ‘dreamer’ might join them one day…)

Another days has passed as the sun continue to rise and set at the same direction,

The world that we are living are not better if not becoming worse,

The American attack Iraq in God’s name…

The Extremist caused death in Allah’s name…

and the Chinese are better, gods are their ‘tool’ to make them rich or fame…

Who is right or wrong?

The Chinese accused those Mat Salleh and Arabians belief as not their ancestor’s belief. Anyone who follow these foreign teaching are not ‘xiao’ (obedient to parents/ancestor), but ’siao’ (mad).

The Muslim (or the one who submit to God’s will) follow the teaching of their ‘Guru’ instead really understand the teaching of their own Koran.

The Christian are at its best as various denominations attack each other by claiming other than their own church are heretic!

The truth is:

Prophet Muhammad is a humble servant of God and would be really embarrass by the over exaggerating of the Muslim towards him nowadays…

Still remember the conflict between Catholics and Protestants that caused many death? They seems to really know the teaching of Christ: To love one another…

As for the Chinese…sigh…why on earth the Kongsi Gelap (Mafia) worshipping General Guan Yu!!! Is he supposed to protect those who are committing crime?

Superstitious…and nothing merely a superstitious!

Believing in something just because it is:

something passed through many generations…

because it is the church/Muslim/Chinese tradition…

because people around us are practicing it…

And for those who claimed themselves as a freethinker,

have you ever think before?

I think only few people are qualify to be one who are free.

How can one can become a free thinker? unless he/she understand all the teaching of others belief…it’s impossible.

Think, and try to find out whether we are either superstitious/fanatics/no-brainers

The truth is like atom with unlimited energy, the more you hit it with questions, the more it will shine or sparkle…  are we ourselves dare to challenge our own belief, as to find out whether it is truth after all?

"Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you. Matthew 7:7.

At the end, I would be glad if this bias/insulting/discriminative/racist/hatred based of statement of a madman could enlighten anyone to getting nearer to the truth, and becoming a really free thinker-those who are free from the false teachings.

InsyaAllah (by God’s will), I will continue to write my mad thoughts if I’m still alive by continuosly ignoring or deleting the life/happiness threatening chain mail (…if you don’t forward this mail to others, you will have a serious death/you will not having a happy love relationship… or other nonsense of chain mail) from my friends or strangers.

Recently few of my friends started to concern towards the spiritual matter which they normally rarely giving it a deep thought, thanks to the movie that entitled ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose’ which was based on a true story. (for detail of this story, simply type the keyword in search engine lah)

Some of the few questions or confusion from my friends who are not God believers/followers are mainly consists of these: Do devil really exist? how the exorcism being carry out? (using the Roman rituals?) Why God allow Emily Rose, a youth who is barely 18 or 20 years old devoted Christian to being posessed by 6 demons? Is she really being posessed by demons or someone who should being admited to Tanjung Rambutan (Asylum/hospital) for medical treatment?

Anyway, I will not answer the above questions as I do believe that many of their friends have provided them with thousands of versions of various answer for these questions.

But since I started this topic, it would be unwise to end it here as it would insult many internet surfer’s inteligent and causes many unwanted responces such as the hacking or the virus attack information, and yes… my home got enough supply of eggs and tomato, sure I don’t want to caused anyone to spend a fortune to purchase them to throw at me.

So, I will talk about the ritual of exorcism, everyone I believe have at least some impression or thoughts of how a exorcism being practice (thanks to the invention of TV and cinema), but how true are those movies?

When I am still persuading my degree at UK, a friend of mine wanna borrow a bible from me. Confused at that particular moment, I thought: Usually people (who are unbelievers or free thinkers or no-thinkers…whatever they called themselves) tends to avoid people talking ‘Ye Sou’ (Jesus/Isa) to them, but this fellow wanna borrow a bible from me? later I found out he and his friends planned to staying overnight at well known haunted mansion in Ireland…

The Bible, the Cross (best with those that made of gold or silver), the holy water, and not to mention a priest/father (who usually must come with a whole set of uniform) is a must for every practices of exorcism (according to the movies lah). In real life do they conduct it as such?

I will not answer that either…many other Christian friends of yours can give you thousands of various version, and not to mentioned each contradict to others of opinion that will blow your brain off!

Just think logically lah! Before the Roman rituals exist (Christianity actually start from the day the world was created, not after the Roman people accepted it), how the Christian perform exorcism? And is it possible that one person (Emily Rose) being touch by God (light) and being poses by 6 demons at the same time?? AND IF THE CROSS IS REALLY THAT EFFECTIVE THAT THE DEMONS ARE AFRAID OF IT, WE ALL SHOULD MOVE OUR HOME TO LIVE AT CEMETARY AS THESE PLACE CERTAINLY GOT A BUNCHFUL OF THEM!

So, my friends, if you planned to go to stay overnight at haunted mansion or castle, it is better not to bring any sutra or bible or even read them out (as you wouldn’t really know the meaning of it…I think demons know it better than us, hehe) as it would caused your luggage a few kg heavier.

Jesus and his diciples didn’t wear uniform or carry a cross when they command the ghost to fled, Lau Tze certainly don’t understand why his disciples nowadays like to burn ‘paper’ in attempt to ‘chase’ ghost away, And Gautama Buddha certainly didn’t read any sutra when he was seduced by the dark force before he learned ‘the way’.

Armed with such logical thinking, I hope everyone can have an enjoyable laugh whenever you guys or gals viewed any of the ‘exorcism’ movies.

And thank you, the eggs and vegetables that you have thrown at this blog certainly beautify this blog of mine!

When God had created the world, He looked at the bare hillsides and decided that a plant was needed to beautify the slopes.

He asked the giant Oak, strongest of all trees, but he declined saying that the soil was too shallow for him to take root and flourish.

God then approached the yellow-flowered Honeysuckle to see if she would spread her beauty and fragrance throughout the hills. She too refused because there was nothing in the inhospitable terrain against which she could grow.

The Rose, sweetest of all the flowers, was God’s next choice. However she explained that she would not be able to survive the hillside’s bitter winds and driving rain.

Disappointed, God turned away and chanced upon a small low lying green shrub with tiny petals; some purple, some white.

It was HEATHER!

God asked the Heather, "Will you grow upon the hillsides to make them more beautiful?"

The Heather reflected on the poor soil and harsh climate and was not sure whether she could do the job, but to God’s delight, replied that if He wanted her to try, she would do her best.

God was so pleased with the Heather that He decided to bestow three gifts on her.

The strength of the Oak - the bark of the Heather is stronger than that of any other tree or shrub.

The fragrance of the Honeysuckle - the Heather’s gentle fragrance is used to perfume soaps, potpourris, and cosmetics.

The sweetness of the Rose - the sweetness of the Heather makes her one of the bee’s favorite flowers.

And to this day Heather is renowned for these three God-given gifts as she fulfills her God-given task.

(The above story are available printed within the towel which can be buy at Scotland’s souvenir shop)

Ages has passed and though Heather has continuously to paint the land of Scotland with beautiful color and fragrance…with God’s blessing, she felt that something is missing in her life.

Yes, she has knew to embrace the breeze wind, continue to live despite the harsh soil…despite all the hardship in this unforgiven land, she continue to bloom… which is delighted in the eye of God.

But she hope for more…

Then she realized what is her desire: an accompany who can share her joy and sorrow, and together, performing God’s task.

So she started to think of who might it be? Who can be her partner?

Oak tree? no Good soil no talk…

The beautiful Honeysuckle? Hmmm, probably not as they are too few bees and butterfly to admire and worshiped her in this land.

Rose? Does she ever notice the existence of Heather?

Time continue to pass as Heather pray for this matter, suddenly the cold fresh wind that come out of nowhere bringing an unexpected guess, a Dandelion seed floating above the sky and miraculously it land just beside Heather.

The Heather look at the poor thing, what on earth is this fella doing in this place? Seeing the seed will be freeze to death under the cold wind, Heather offer the Dandelion seed protection under her bushes of leafs.

Under the care of the Heather, the Dandelion seed started to become healthier and healthier…and to express her gratitude to Heather, she planned to stay and grow…to accompany Heather.

But then again…

The Dandelion seed gaze at Heather, she was hurt and she don’t understand…

Dandelion seed depart as the winds blow again, never to look back again; heather maintain her silence till the very last trace of the dandelion seed disappear, then she pray that wind would bring her to a place where the Dandelion seed should belong to, somewhere warmer…

Wind continue to blow as Heather shudder, praying in silence hoping for an accompany …someone who really meant to live in this land…

Inspired by the Lu Xun ‘Madman Diary’, me, another madman (or weirdo) decided to share my crazy thoughts, or imaginations, or crap, or whatever you call it among my friends… with the hope of inspiring, or encouraging, or manipulating, or twisting, or brainwashing the mind of those who called me friend.

Warning: This mad man that come out of nowhere are a well trained psycho with the qualification of various expertises as a spin doctor, armed with a Degree in Mass Communication (subject included: twisting the facts, talking nonsense, and not to mention… excelled in the art of bullshit). All reader are remind to keep an open mind while cautiously filtering the information in this blog, authors of this blog will not responsible for any incidents that would have caused any readers end up in asylum due to the publication of this web log. May God have mercy and grace upon all of you.